Author: nolongerhuman
-
Ah, Sriracha. Sauce number 2 of the 4 sauces always in my fridge. The sauce so good it spawned a documentary. It’s a cool story actually. I’ve, of course, committed the whole thing to memory. Let’s see if StarKist can ruin that pleasant memory for me, dashing it to bits against the hull of a…
-
For a long time, I lived about 500 feet from a very decent Thai restaurant that was open at wildly illogical hours. Basically when everything else closed, on went their little neon window sign as though they somehow sensed they were my only option. This place always asked how spicy I wanted every single dish.…
-
My stomach needs a break, but that’s just tough shit because a new dawn brings a new tuna packet. Uniquely, today is the only flavor packet that isn’t just a variation of spiced or sauced tuna, it’s a tuna, rice, and beans meal in a pouch. A quick glance at the ingredients tells me that…
-
Day 5 on this cursed journey. Tapatio Flavor day. I have a long history with Tapatio. It’s one of four sauces always in my fridge. I don’t know why I refrigerate it. I just do. I’ve lived all over the country but when I first moved to Portland, many Portlands ago when the streets were…
-
When I started down this path, it was as I do most things. With wild abandon and glee. Anyone who knows me knows how gleeful I am. I figured I’d suffer from Ranch. I just know the prepackaged tuna salad is going to be like licking the devil’s fragrant armpit, but I didn’t know how…
-
After two consecutive days of vaguely tuna-flavored disappointment, today is special. You see a few of these flavors people have actually recommended. So, not just my tastebuds but also those people’s reputations are on the line. That’s a good thing because sampling tuna is a lonely life. Today is lemon pepper day.
-
Continuing right along after the shock from the Ranch tasting yesterday, I have medium-high hopes for “Herbs and Garlic” since I enjoy both herbs and garlic, but whenever a company uses a term as nebulous as “herbs” it makes me feel a bit uncomfortable. Garlic is reasonably safe, but did you know there are more…
-
Full disclosure, I’m not a “ranch person” – in the vast world of salad dressings it’s near my bottom. French is worse because that’s basically just salad ketchup, but ranch is just mayo with weird shit in it. Yea, it’s ok on fries, but let’s not get crazy. Ranch knows its place, it lives in…
-
I’ve decided to track down every flavor of those weird Tuna Creations pouches. I’m going to find every single stupid fucking flavor, eat it, and post my capsule review. Why? Because it’s inane and pointless. You’re the one on my page (for now anyway) so buckle up, sit back and enjoy Ol’ Clint’s Tuna Pouch…
-
Model: Nettie Veneficus By popular demand, the “Dead Inside” t-shirt has been restocked.In addition to the Unisex Lightweight soft, semi-fitted shirts, you can now order the new Babydoll style. Unisex Sizes: S – 3XLWomen’s Babydoll Sizes: S – L Front: “nolongerhuman” mannequin designBack: “I know what it’s like to be dead inside.” Design by Vlad McNeally. Visit…
