StarKist Tuna Creations Herb & Garlic

Continuing right along after the shock from the Ranch tasting yesterday, I have medium-high hopes for “Herbs and Garlic” since I enjoy both herbs and garlic, but whenever a company uses a term as nebulous as “herbs” it makes me feel a bit uncomfortable.

Garlic is reasonably safe, but did you know there are more than 2,000 herbs? So which do you think they mean? A wise kitchen scientist might opt for dill or parsley, maybe even basil if they are feeling a little frisky, all flavors that could work with tuna-in-a-pouch. The thing is they could just as likely mean caraway (Central European tuna), peppermint (Christmas tuna), or sage (banishing evil spirits tuna). Once you’ve had Ranch flavor you begin to doubt your god-given senses. Maybe this is all a fever dream.

StarKist Tuna Creations – Herb & Garlic:

Texture: Oh man. So, yesterday’s ranch was similar to a paste. This is similar to a gel. It’s well beyond paste and into an almost flan, custard-type mouthfeel. This tuna is experiencing shame. Both cats are ecstatic.

Smell: It smells edible. That’s an upgrade but not a compliment. As I had feared any definable herb is masked by an overwhelmingly synthetic smell. This is what AI thinks herbs smell like. There might be something akin to rosemary in there, but maybe that’s just my brain trying to make my life a little bit less horrific. Now that cats have moved past curious chirps and are doing full drawn-out high-pitched demands.

Taste: No immediate garlic flavor and herb flavor of some undefinable nature overwhelms everything else. It’s actually almost shocking. Go find your nearest Applebees, walk directly into the back of the fast-casual restaurant, and lick the kitchen floor to experience flavor with me. There are hints of crouton, there’s a bit of something mildly acidic, and under all of it, there is an odd but powerful metallic taste. The aftertaste is like a slap with a lubricated hand. Cold, a little gross, not at all erotic. Fishy and metallic. Those are the takeaways. As before, one cat thinks it’s wonderful and eats both portions I put down. The other actually runs away. So, repellant can be added to the package.

The verdict? StarKist Tuna Creations Herb & Garlic: 2

Why two ? Because it’s not ranch. I’d eat this if I was starving/falling from a plane while eating/on a dare. I just wouldn’t buy it again. Had the texture been better, it may have gotten another . Probably not. It’s also slightly higher in calories than the other options, which can be a plus or a minus depending on your goals.

Next up, because it can’t rain all the time (except in Portland): Lemon Pepper