StarKist Tuna Creations BOLD Sriracha

Ah, Sriracha. Sauce number 2 of the 4 sauces always in my fridge. The sauce so good it spawned a documentary. It’s a cool story actually. I’ve, of course, committed the whole thing to memory. Let’s see if StarKist can ruin that pleasant memory for me, dashing it to bits against the hull of a massive barnacle-laden fishing vessel until it’s just another ruin at the bottom of the unforgiving, briny deep.

This has the benefit of name recognition. It’s right there on this baggie of soggy fish. Sriracha flavor. Most people have had Sriracha by this point I’d think, but I wonder if people realize it’s not a brand so much as a style of sauce. That gives StarKist an uncomfortable amount of freedom to interpret. One would hope that this would taste like tuna with Sriracha on it/in it/near it. One might hope that unless they had been exposed to the level of disappointment StarKist is capable of. A week ago I would have had high hopes. Now I have only grim determination. This is tuna flavor 8.

This is halfway home.

StarKist Tuna Creations BOLD Sriracha

Texture: It isn’t ideal, whatever that word even means in the context of processed fish. It does have a tuna texture though. Could be chunkier, but as I’ve repeatedly discovered, it could also be far more loathsome. I don’t hate this.

Smell: You ever get the “nose wrinkle” effect when you smell something particularly spicy? Yea, this does that. I would love to complain as it’s far more amusing than positivity but this smells exactly like Sriracha. Depending on your tuna sniffing needs that could be a bad thing, but I’m pleased. Once again, I don’t hate this. The cats are unmoved. To be fair though it doesn’t smell at all like tuna.

Taste: What the hell, StarKist? You did a thing. This tastes basically like a blend of Sambal and Sriracha. It has obvious chili flavor, it’s spicy but not overbearing, and the aftertaste is subtle but not synthetic garlic. How did they get Tapatio (which seems like it would be almost zero effort) so wrong but Sriracha so right? Typically with all of these, the aftertaste comes with a french kiss of fishy, but in this case, the garlic masks it almost entirely. You know what? I’d eat this.

For the first time, I had to go actually look for the cats. They were utterly uninterested the entire time and remained asleep in awkward positions.

So, I… I’m pretty shook.

I’ll give this 8 just barely edging out Lemon Pepper for the current top spot.

Next up … fuuuuuck. “Deli Style Tuna Salad.” Yea. I’m sure it’s great. Who has time to just, ya know, add their own mayo and shit?