Red Curry (with coconut!)
This is, out of the 16 flavors, the second hardest to find. I’m going to presume they are shooting for Thai curry rather than Indian curry based on the inclusion of coconut. I’m actually a little surprised they skipped over Indian food flavors, as I could see a vindaloo working, or even a tikka considering how much tomato flavor StarKist seems to like to slam into half of these flavors. Instead, we get two different Thai flavors out of 16. Maybe the flavor masters in their oceanic mansions ran out of ideas. This will almost certainly be either great or horrid, there is very little room for mediocrity in Thai curry.
This is the second to last of the flavors left to try… can you see picture it? A day when you don’t have to see six paragraphs about tuna on your feed? Your fish-free future is as bright as the sunrise over the Pacific.
StarKist Tuna Creations BOLD Red Curry
Texture: It’s a bit sticky. Not entirely easy to get out of the pouch, but it’s also a little oily in a not unpleasant way, I suspect due to the coconut. I don’t think I’d want to try and eat this “on the go” but then I don’t usually order Thai curry to eat while I’m running around. Maybe I should. When I worked in New York I used to see people power walking while eating whole ass meals. I once saw a dude in a suit just strolling through Hell’s Kitchen eating a plate of spaghetti. Anyway, this tuna holds its shape and doesn’t disintegrate into a paste, but it’s quite saucy. Just like me.
Smell: Hmm. There’s that tomato forward smell again, but there are also hints of some subtle lemongrass and coconut. I wouldn’t wear it as a cologne but it’s not repulsive. The cats couldn’t care less. They’ve left the room and sequestered themselves on my bed.
Taste: So, the sesame ginger was complex in a try way too hard kind of way and really overshot the mark. A Thai curry would be very difficult to make too complicated. A ton of ingredients go into Thai food, most of them very specific and regional. This tastes incredibly complex for something out of a room-temperature pouch. Checking the ingredients they didn’t hold back. There’s coconut milk, lemongrass, kaffir lime, galangal, all Thai cuisine staples, and you know what… this kind of works on tuna. A lot of Thai food will have fish oils or shrimp paste or both and so the tuna just kind of blends in. Hell, I’ll say it. I actually kind of like this. It’s a little bit astringent, and it’s not going to replace your neighborhood curry spot but it’s not at all unpleasant. Both cats have registered deep disinterest, but I myself will probably buy this again.
Verdict: This one easily gets 7 
, I flip-flopped and almost gave it 8 , but I think lemon pepper has more general uses. It’s not perfect, but it’s easily in the top 5.
Tomorrow brings the big utterly anti-climactic conclusion. I’ve saved the most terrifying for last. Bacon Ranch. I can almost hear it percolating in its little pouch. We’ve come full circle.
nolongerhuman 