StarKist Tuna Creations Hickory Smoked

Hickory smoked has a lot going for it in principle. You could likely stick an old wig in a smoker and I’d eat it. Growing up I had nearly endless access to fresh salmon and halibut and we had a large smoker going in our backyard for most of the salmon season. Spend some time on an island in Alaska, and you start getting creative with how to store fish. Pork or chicken was hard to find and expensive when you did find it (not a ton of pig farms in Alaska) so we lived on the tasty fruits of the ocean.

Mmm. Ocean fruit.

Problem is, I’ve had an awful lot of smoked fish in my life. I can usually spot one that sucks. My bar is set low, and my expectations are even lower. I’m ready. I do wish I had a spork though, but that’s just a general life goal more than a tuna-related goal.

StarKist Tuna Creations Hickory Smoked

Texture: Alright. It sort of just flops itself out as a solid compressed piece. This could in theory be eaten as a sort of tuna push-up pop, which might be both a super sexy party trick and a sure-fire way to repulse your significant other.

Smell: Smoke does wonders for fishy smells and this is no exception. It does smell like lightly smoked fish. I wouldn’t say it smells like hickory so much, but like I said… I went in with low expectations. Other than mildly smoky fish, it smells noticeably salty, but that’s the extent of it and I’m a bit relieved. This packet gets both of the cats in a frenzy of lip-smacking. God. That sound is both adorable and disgusting.

Taste: The ingredients label on this is uncharacteristically spartan. Fish, water, salt, natural smoke flavoring. “Smoke flavoring” would lead me to believe they just added liquid smoke, but I don’t think that’s the case. This tastes (thank the sweet lord) nothing like liquid smoke. I don’t have much to complain about here, I would probably actually eat this. Not sure in what context I’d ever want smoked tuna instead of smoked salmon but it was definitely $1.37. The only issue I see here is that tuna prepared in this fashion is very low fat, which is great for being low calorie but without any sort of sauce or natural fat it’s also very dry. After the last 14-days, I can live with dry. It’s better than having another nightmare about ketchup.

Both cats get a small sample.

DaVinci bites me again.

This is just before I began to bleed.

Oni tries really hard to put his butt on it. I… don’t… know why.

*Sniff* … Nope! Imma put my butt on this.

Verdict: This… for its simplicity, its non-fishy nature, its low price compared to salmon, and general non-offensiveness gets 9 🐟. Add pepper, a squirt of lemon, and stick it on a salad. I don’t think it’s all that bad.

Tomorrow is the second to last flavor of the entire line. Red curry (with coconut!) Like every great love story, tuna flavor tasting must also someday end.

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