I’m either a sucker for fish-themed punishment or I just wanted to get honey barbecue out of the way, so I’ve decided to sample the two highest in sugar of the “Tuna Creations” back to back. There are a number of these flavors that make perfect sense on another type of protein and almost zero sense on tuna. Honey barbecue wouldn’t have been my first thought when I sat down with the alchemists in the StarKist Aquatic Empire.
I enjoy barbecue in the sense that I like a nice platter of burnt ends, I can destroy some brisket, and who doesn’t like soggy corn on the cob? I’m not so much a “let’s just put barbecue on whatever the hell we find in the ocean” kind of person. Those people surely exist, and good for them. It takes all kinds to spin this crazy world.
StarKist Tuna Creations Honey BBQ:
Texture: Sticky and hard to get out of the package without getting what I’m gonna call barbecue knuckle, but I’ve become nearly an expert at finessing portable fish. I don’t see how anyone would eat this in a convenient way short of just twirling a spoon in the packet and hoping no one senses your desperation.
Smell: Maybe StarKist owns stock in a tomato cannery. Barbecue sauces come in a ton of varieties, this smells like the achingly sweet, tomato-forward Kraft variety that your local diner has a 5-gallon jug of in the back that expired before you were born. Inoffensive, familiar even, but not great. What do the cats think? They had a very similar reaction to the Sweet and Spicy, they seem to only sense the tuna and act accordingly, like tiny predators.
Taste: Whaddya know? It tastes like it smells, plus fish. I don’t even dislike this entirely, the barbecue has a tartness that cuts the tuna slightly, but I’m still thinking about the logistics of the person who needs a snack, decides on tuna, then out of all the sauces, spices, and rubs that exist they think barbecue is the answer. In case you thought that… well, that’s why I’m here, friend. Barbecue is definitively not the sauce you are looking for. I’ve had to distract the cats by throwing Friskies treats across my living room. The cats were not above loudly smacking their lips at me which was making me … uneasy.
Verdict: 5 
. This is tolerably edible. Wouldn’t be my first choice, and because of the tuna I struggle to see what I’d add to it or put it on, but it exists and now we all have to learn to live with that fact.
Tomorrow let’s do another saucy tuna! Also, another sauce that has no real business being on fish. Tomorrow is Spicy Buffalo. There are, to my count, just 4 flavors remaining.
There may be a day, very soon, where I don’t eat tuna.
nolongerhuman 